the following trailer is rated 's' for spoilers. based on the book everyone's mom read on thebeach comes the best-acted, coolest-looking, most well-written lifetime movie ever made: gone girl. meet nick and amy, two successful good-lookingpeople in love. she's the basis for a beloved series of children'sbooks "your wife is amazing amy?!" and he's a caring son who moves to missourito take care of his sick mother. they seem like they're the perfect couple,but there's just one problem:
she's batsh*t f***ing crazy. settle in for the film that had audienceseverywhere wondering if their significant other was planning to kill them, in this cold-hearted look at how all men arepigs or how all women are monsters. or both? either way, you probably shouldn't see iton the first date. "i picture cracking her lovely skull, unspoolingher brains." ben affleck stars as a guy everyone lovesto hate. "you look like human sh*t."
"you're a f***ing coward." "you f***ing idiot." "asshole." "f***ing asshole!" when his wife amy disappears, he'll respondby acting as guilty as humanly possible "you filed the paperwork!" "because she told me to!" and banging the hot chick from the blurredlines video. mmmm, blurred bewwwwbs.
rosamund pike shines as the most well-organizedcrazy person ever, a murderer who's sick and tired of actingcool just to please a man even though, unlike the book, we never seeher do anything cool. ever. "all we did was resent each other and tryto control each other." "that's marriage." follow along as she escapes her cheating husbandby creating fake money troubles, befriending the local pregnant idiot so shecan steal her pee to fake a pregnancy,
staging a crime scene with gallons of herown blood, creating a five year diary of fake abuse stories, then planning to kill herself so she can framehim for her murder... instead of, i don't know, divorcing him? seems a lot easier to me! experience the film critics are still debatingfor being either pro- or anti-feminist even though its message boils down to: don't have sex with crazy people, a lesson that neil patrick harris clearlydidn't pay attention to.
"a girl is allowed to be crazy as long asshe is equally hot. you want a girl to be above this line." oops. witness director david fincher at the heightof his powers, as he reveals each twist and turn with histrademark futurisms, like smooth camera pans, a cool color palette, a dank abandoned building, nihilism,
"life: i don't remember the point." sociopaths, low-lit interiors, ambient music, haze, and general f***ed-upedness. wait, is she putting that in her... ugh! ugh! ugh! man, this movie is messed up!
so, settle in for a nearly three hour movie that will keep you on the edge of your seat, full of manipulations, murder, and deceit, until ben affleck finally gets his revengeby... staying with her to start a family? "you want to stay with her." what?! why would he do that?
run, dude! and... is that his dick?! what is happening? man, this ending is weird. starring... adnan syed, chasing amy, madea good movie for once, safesearch off,
doogie housed her, nancy grace, and still almost famous. your wife probably wants to kill you. "i swear, you two are the most f***ed up peoplei've ever known." this movie really could've used more tylerperry. ugh, did i really just say that?
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